I recognize that I compare myself to others…It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to be drawing a comparison…Looking to others as a way to learn…Looking to others to see a possible way forward…Looking to others is a way of seeing what is possible…But it’s easy for me to fall into the trap of using how others are presenting themselves as the standard that I am holding myself to…As the measurement as to whether or not I am doing a good job…As a way of seeing if I am being successful at life…The problem with doing this is it is not a fair comparison…I am not comparing like for like…I am comparing how other people are presenting themselves with what I am experiencing inside my own head…With what I am feeling inside my own heart…That is not a fair comparison…Everyone is trying to put on a brave face…Everyone is trying to show their lives at their best…So what others are presenting is not a full representation of their experience…And when I make this sort of comparison…I’m not treating myself kindly…Because it is not a fair comparison…When I look at other people’s social media feeds and feel bad…It’s because I am comparing my true self to their presentation of what their life is like…I give myself permission to be easy with myself…I give myself permission to recognize the truth about the way people present themselves in the world…I want to continue to strive for better…I want to be healthier…I want to be more successful…Comparing myself to others is not a useful way of doing that…I give myself permission to let go of the comparison…I recognize that sort of comparison is not fair to myself…This does not mean I’m going to stop trying…This does not mean I’m going to stop improving…It simply means I’m going to choose a more accurate comparison to see if I am achieving my goals…It is time for me to compare myself to myself and no one else…I can do this honestly…I can do this fairly…I can do this and keep evolving without being overwhelmed by the comparison.
I don’t always make the best choices…Sometimes I make really detrimental choices…I make choices that hurt me…I make unhealthy choices that I know are bad for me…And as I’m making those poor choices…It’s really easy to beat myself up…It’s really easy to feel overwhelmed by the consequences because of those choices…But I also recognize that my goal isn’t to make good choices all of the time…My goal is to make conscious choices…Because when I make conscious choices over the long term…I do make better choices…And more importantly I’m aware of who I am in the moment with each choice…I’m aware of who I am becoming…As long as I continue to do that in a conscious way…I’m going to move forward thoughtfully…I’m going to move forward in a deliberate way…And that’s really OK…Because when I move in that way I’m consciously controlling my life..I’m not responding purely from habit…Or responding purely from desire…And in the long term, that will mean much better choices…In the long term I will be healthier…In the long term I will be happier…As I navigate this in big and in small ways…It is OK if I sometimes make an unhealthy choice…I just want to make that unhealthy choice in a deliberate way…Because then I’m taking responsibility…Then I’m in the moment…Which makes it easier for me to move forward in a healthy and positive way.
I recognize that there are a number of identities that I’ve picked up…Some of those identities are cultural…Some of those identities come from my family…Some of those identities are ones I have chosen to feel useful and safe in the world…It’s good for me to have something to live up to…It’s good for me to have something to strive for…It’s good for me to be in a situation where I have a clear idea of who and what I want to be…But at the same time these identities are not who I am….These characteristics do not define how I navigate the world…These identities are not the way that I actually stay safe…I can be safe in the world without having to live these identities perfectly…I’m allowed to change my mind…I’m allowed to change my disposition…I’m allowed to change the way I see myself in the world…I’m allowed to let go of these old identities…If this identity serves me at some point in the future, I can pick it back up again…If this identity is helpful in the future, I can engage with it again…I don’t have to live up to these statements to be healthy…I don’t have to live up to these identities to be safe…I don’t have to embrace these characteristics all of the time to be my authentic self…These identities can be a benchmark…These identities can help me in my daily life…But they do not define me…Who I am in this moment defines me…And I give myself permission to choose that right now.
I recognize that part of my system wants me to be healthy…It wants me to be safe…And it believes that I can stay safe by using the tools that I’m currently using…Navigating my day in the way that I always have…Even though the tools I’m using aren’t perfect…They are familiar tools working in a functional way…Because they are working in a functional way…My system doesn’t want to let them go…My system doesn’t want me to put them down…And that is the reason why I don’t tap as much as I would like to..I don’t tap regularly because my system is worried that if I tap on this issue, I’ll lose access to the familiar tools that allow me to cope…If I lose access to the tools, then I’ll be stuck in a situation where I’ve changed the habit but I’m still in pain…I recognize that there are healthier tools..I recognize that there are better ways to approach this…I give myself permission to know that I’m just putting down this current tool…And if I think that tool will be useful again at some point in the future…I’m allowed to pick it up…I’m allowed to use it again….It is a tool that might have served me in the past….It was a tool that might’ve been the best tool I had access to at a certain point in my life…I now recognize in this moment, it’s no longer the best tool for me…I give myself permission to put the tool down…Doing that will make it easier and healthier for me…I give myself permission to know I can pick up that tool again at any point in the future, if I want to…I doubt that’s what I will want…But I’m allowed to pick it up later…It is safe for me to tap on this issue…It is safe for me to release this process….Knowing that as I tap, I am choosing a healthier tool for myself….My subconscious mind wants me to be healthy…My conscious mind wants me to be healthy…And this is an opportunity for every part of my system to act in harmony.
I recognize that I want things to work out well…That I want to live up to my expectations…And I want to be successful…There is a part of me that is constantly judging me against my expectations…Constantly pushing me forward…Constantly wanting better…And when I don’t meet my expectations…That part judges me…When I don’t act with pure confidence…That part judges me…It’s judging me because it wants better for me…It’s judging me because it wants to keep pushing me forward…It’s judging me because it wants me to be successful…But the problem is that it’s beating me up…Beating me up in a way that is unhelpful…It feels like it is being unkind…It’s not seeing me for who I am…It’s not seeing me for what I’m achieving…It’s judging me against a standard of perfection…I’m glad it wants me to be better…I’m glad it wants me to move forward…I’m glad it wants me to be successful…But it’s not helping me right now…Beating myself up like this is not a good motivator…Beating myself up actually makes it harder for myself…Beating myself up in this way prevents me from taking action…So I give myself permission to know that I don’t have to beat myself up…I give myself permission to know that I can to do better…Without having to scold myself…I recognize the fact that I can appreciate the success that I have…Even if it’s not the total success I would like right now…My success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…I can move from success to success…Building something that is bigger…Building something that is more confident…As my life evolves and grows…I’m glad there’s a part of me that wants me to work harder…I’m glad there’s a part of me that wants to be more successful…And I know I can have that success without being perfect…I can have that success without being a hundred percent confident in every single action I take…I can have that success as I ease into moving forward…It’s good for me to evaluate myself…It’s good for me to evaluate my actions…But I don’t need to evaluate every part of my life against a standard of perfection.
I recognize that I have needs…I need to feel a connection with other humans…And that need for connection shows up on many levels…I need to feel safe…I need to have loving relationships…I need to be appreciated for who I am…It is painful when I feel rejected by others…It is painful when I feel dismissed by others…It is painful because part of me fears that I may be pushed outside my tribe…Where our ancestors were pushed to the outside they faced death…So on a primitive level, part of me fears death…I appreciate that this part of me is afraid…But I can also recognize that being dismissed by others probably will not lead to my death…I recognize that I do want to have deep meaningful relationships…Relationships to give me support…Relationships that give me encouragement…Relationships that allow me to grow and transform…So when I’m dismissed by others it hurts…Because I’m missing those types of relationships…When I feel that sort of pain, it is just me recognizing the need for that type of relationship…Even if I don’t have it in this moment in the way that I want…I know it is possible for me to have these types of relationships…It is possible for me to find them, foster them, and grow them…When my work is dismissed by others, it feels like they are rejecting me…Because I put my time and my energy into my work…I try to be fully present in my work…I give so much of who I am in my work…When people dismiss my work it feels like they are dismissing my worth…It is OK to want to be appreciated…It is OK to want to be acknowledged…At the same time my worth and value is not determined by how someone is responding to me and my work in this moment……Rejection is hard…Being dismissed is painful…It is very human to want connection and support…I give myself permission to recognize those needs…Without being defined by those needs.
It’s good that I recognize that my choices impact other people…I know my choices are not made in the vacuum…My choices are made in the world…But I can’t only make my choices while thinking about how others will react…I need to make the choices that are best for me in both the short and long term…I will not deliberately hurt others or take advantage of others with my choices…I am not responsible for the emotional state of the people around me…They are responsible for themselves…Others make choices that are best for them…I need to make the choices that are best for me…Even if it will affect the people around me…I give myself permission to know I am in control of my own life…I don’t need the permission or blessing of others to move forward in my life…It is great when they support me…It is wonderful when they believe in me…I need to be making the choices that are right for me…I am worthy of making choices that serve me…I am worthy of moving forward…Sometimes others may get bent out of shape because of the choices I make…I know it is OK for me to make the choices that I need to make…I don’t need the permission of others to move forward…I don’t need the blessing of others to move forward…I can make the best choices that I need to make for myself…I give myself permission to take care of myself…I am worthy of taking care of myself…I deserve to take care of myself…I am worthy of taking care of myself…I no longer need permission from others to take care of myself in the best way I can.
I recognize that a part of me that fears judgment…There’s a part of me that fears rejection…It’s a very human feeling to fear judgment…It is a natural human feeling to fear rejection…So if judgment is a possibility, it makes perfect sense that I wouldn’t want to put myself out there…It makes perfect sense that I wouldn’t want to experience that type of rejection…But the reality is that most people aren’t judging me…When someone says no to me it isn’t a judgment…When someone says no to me it is not an evaluation of my worth…When someone says no to me they’re not judging the value of my work…Instead when someone says no what they’re really saying is it’s not the right fit…It’s not the right fit right now…It’s not the right fit based on the information they have…It’s not the right fit based on what they’re feeling in this particular moment…They’re simply making a statement about the right fit for them…Because this is the case it’s OK for me to ask…Because this is the case it’s safe for me to put myself out there…And it is safe for me to try…I give myself permission to trust others…To trust that they are not judging me…Instead they are evaluating the fit.
It is good for me to look back…It is good for me to evaluate my past choices…It is good for me to see where I have been…To take responsibility for my past choices and to learn from my past…At the same time I recognize the fact it is impossible for me to see my past self clearly…I have learned since then…I have grown since then…I have transformed since then…And that makes it hard for me to remember my previous self…To remember what I knew and didn’t know back then…Once I know something now there’s a part of me that believes that I’ve always known it…Because this is human nature…Because this is the human experience…I need to remind myself to be gentle with myself…When I’m evaluating my past…When evaluating my previous choices…This doesn’t mean I’m letting myself off the hook…This doesn’t mean that I’m being thoughtless and careless…I should only judge my past self and who I was in that moment…And what I knew in that moment…And what I was capable of in that moment…I know much more now than I did back then…I’m doing myself a huge disservice by judging myself based on what I know now…I choose to take responsibility and see myself for who I clearly was back then…I can learn from the past while still remembering I was in a different place when I was making those choices back then…I’m glad I’m the new me…I’m glad that I’m continuing to evolve and grow…Part of that evolution is being gentle with my past self.
There are opportunities all around me…Some of those opportunities are an obvious fit for me…Some of those opportunities are not an obvious fit for me…I do know that if I stay in the same place…And if I don’t try something new…Then my life is going to be no different…My life will be exactly the same…I give myself permission to say yes more…To say yes to unexpected opportunities…To say yes to things that come out of the blue…Say yes to things that I’m a little worried about trying…This does not mean that I’m reckless…This does not mean that I am careless…This does not mean that I am thoughtless…It simply means I’m going to say yes more…When I say yes more my life is richer…When I say yes more my life is more exciting…When I say yes more I give myself an opportunity to grow…Not reckless yeses…Not thoughtless yeses…But more yeses…It is good for me…It is good for my growth…I give myself permission to say yes more.
Script for having my yes mean yes:
I want to communicate clearly…I want people to know where I stand…I want people to have clear expectations of where I am coming from…It is not my job to protect other people’s feelings…I do the opposite of serving people when I tell them what I think they want to hear…In order for people to understand where I’m coming from, to make our communication clear… And to remove the unnecessary burden of me trying to protect them…I give myself permission to have my yes mean yes…And my no mean no…This does not mean that I’m unkind…This does not mean that I’m thoughtless…This doesn’t mean that I’m inconsiderate of other people’s feelings…I acknowledge and recognize the fact I am not responsible for their feelings…I am not responsible for their emotional response…Ultimately the truth will come out…It’s better when I communicate clearly…So that everybody understands where I’m coming from…I give myself permission to have my yes mean yes…I give myself permission to have my no mean no.