From The Tapping Q & A Podcast

I recognize that I want things to work out well…That I want to live up to my expectations…And I want to be successful…There is a part of me that is constantly judging me against my expectations…Constantly pushing me forward…Constantly wanting better…And when I don’t meet my expectations…That part judges me…When I don’t act with pure confidence…That part judges me…It’s judging me because it wants better for me…It’s judging me because it wants to keep pushing me forward…It’s judging me because it wants me to be successful…But the problem is that it’s beating me up…Beating me up in a way that is unhelpful…It feels like it is being unkind…It’s not seeing me for who I am…It’s not seeing me for what I’m achieving…It’s judging me against a standard of perfection…I’m glad it wants me to be better…I’m glad it wants me to move forward…I’m glad it wants me to be successful…But it’s not helping me right now…Beating myself up like this is not a good motivator…Beating myself up actually makes it harder for myself…Beating myself up in this way prevents me from taking action…So I give myself permission to know that I don’t have to beat myself up…I give myself permission to know that I can to do better…Without having to scold myself…I recognize the fact that I can appreciate the success that I have…Even if it’s not the total success I would like right now…My success is not an all-or-nothing proposition…I can move from success to success…Building something that is bigger…Building something that is more confident…As my life evolves and grows…I’m glad there’s a part of me that wants me to work harder…I’m glad there’s a part of me that wants to be more successful…And I know I can have that success without being perfect…I can have that success without being a hundred percent confident in every single action I take…I can have that success as I ease into moving forward…It’s good for me to evaluate myself…It’s good for me to evaluate my actions…But I don’t need to evaluate every part of my life against a standard of perfection.

I recognize that I have needs…I need to feel a connection with other humans…And that need for connection shows up on many levels…I need to feel safe…I need to have loving relationships…I need to be appreciated for who I am…It is painful when I feel rejected by others…It is painful when I feel dismissed by others…It is painful because part of me fears that I may be pushed outside my tribe…Where our ancestors were pushed to the outside they faced death…So on a primitive level, part of me fears death…I appreciate that this part of me is afraid…But I can also recognize that being dismissed by others probably will not lead to my death…I recognize that I do want to have deep meaningful relationships…Relationships to give me support…Relationships that give me encouragement…Relationships that allow me to grow and transform…So when I’m dismissed by others it hurts…Because I’m missing those types of relationships…When I feel that sort of pain, it is just me recognizing the need for that type of relationship…Even if I don’t have it in this moment in the way that I want…I know it is possible for me to have these types of relationships…It is possible for me to find them, foster them, and grow them…When my work is dismissed by others, it feels like they are rejecting me…Because I put my time and my energy into my work…I try to be fully present in my work…I give so much of who I am in my work…When people dismiss my work it feels like they are dismissing my worth…It is OK to want to be appreciated…It is OK to want to be acknowledged…At the same time my worth and value is not determined by how someone is responding to me and my work in this moment……Rejection is hard…Being dismissed is painful…It is very human to want connection and support…I give myself permission to recognize those needs…Without being defined by those needs. 

It’s good that I recognize that my choices impact other people…I know my choices are not made in the vacuum…My choices are made in the world…But I can’t only make my choices while thinking about how others will react…I need to make the choices that are best for me in both the short and long term…I will not deliberately hurt others or take advantage of others with my choices…I am not responsible for the emotional state of the people around me…They are responsible for themselves…Others make choices that are best for them…I need to make the choices that are best for me…Even if it will affect the people around me…I give myself permission to know I am in control of my own life…I don’t need the permission or blessing of others to move forward in my life…It is great when they support me…It is wonderful when they believe in me…I need to be making the choices that are right for me…I am worthy of making choices that serve me…I am worthy of moving forward…Sometimes others may get bent out of shape because of the choices I make…I know it is OK for me to make the choices that I need to make…I don’t need the permission of others to move forward…I don’t need the blessing of others to move forward…I can make the best choices that I need to make for myself…I give myself permission to take care of myself…I am worthy of taking care of myself…I deserve to take care of myself…I am worthy of taking care of myself…I no longer need permission from others to take care of myself in the best way I can. 

I recognize that a part of me that fears judgment…There’s a part of me that fears rejection…It’s a very human feeling to fear judgment…It is a natural human feeling to fear rejection…So if judgment is a possibility, it makes perfect sense that I wouldn’t want to put myself out there…It makes perfect sense that I wouldn’t want to experience that type of rejection…But the reality is that most people aren’t judging me…When someone says no to me it isn’t a judgment…When someone says no to me it is not an evaluation of my worth…When someone says no to me they’re not judging the value of my work…Instead when someone says no what they’re really saying is it’s not the right fit…It’s not the right fit right now…It’s not the right fit based on the information they have…It’s not the right fit based on what they’re feeling in this particular moment…They’re simply making a statement about the right fit for them…Because this is the case it’s OK for me to ask…Because this is the case it’s safe for me to put myself out there…And it is safe for me to try…I give myself permission to trust others…To trust that they are not judging me…Instead they are evaluating the fit. 

It is good for me to look back…It is good for me to evaluate my past choices…It is good for me to see where I have been…To take responsibility for my past choices and to learn from my past…At the same time I recognize the fact it is impossible for me to see my past self clearly…I have learned since then…I have grown since then…I have transformed since then…And that makes it hard for me to remember my previous self…To remember what I knew and didn’t know back then…Once I know something now there’s a part of me that believes that I’ve always known it…Because this is human nature…Because this is the human experience…I need to remind myself to be gentle with myself…When I’m evaluating my past…When evaluating my previous choices…This doesn’t mean I’m letting myself off the hook…This doesn’t mean that I’m being thoughtless and careless…I should only judge my past self and who I was in that moment…And what I knew in that moment…And what I was capable of in that moment…I know much more now than I did back then…I’m doing myself a huge disservice by judging myself based on what I know now…I choose to take responsibility and see myself for who I clearly was back then…I can learn from the past while still remembering I was in a different place when I was making those choices back then…I’m glad I’m the new me…I’m glad that I’m continuing to evolve and grow…Part of that evolution is being gentle with my past self. 

There are opportunities all around me…Some of those opportunities are an obvious fit for me…Some of those opportunities are not an obvious fit for me…I do know that if I stay in the same place…And if I don’t try something new…Then my life is going to be no different…My life will be exactly the same…I give myself permission to say yes more…To say yes to unexpected opportunities…To say yes to things that come out of the blue…Say yes to things that I’m a little worried about trying…This does not mean that I’m reckless…This does not mean that I am careless…This does not mean that I am thoughtless…It simply means I’m going to say yes more…When I say yes more my life is richer…When I say yes more my life is more exciting…When I say yes more I give myself an opportunity to grow…Not reckless yeses…Not thoughtless yeses…But more yeses…It is good for me…It is good for my growth…I give myself permission to say yes more. 

Script for having my yes mean yes:

I want to communicate clearly…I want people to know where I stand…I want people to have clear expectations of where I am coming from…It is not my job to protect other people’s feelings…I do the opposite of serving people when I tell them what I think they want to hear…In order for people to understand where I’m coming from, to make our communication clear… And to remove the unnecessary burden of me trying to protect them…I give myself permission to have my yes mean yes…And my no mean no…This does not mean that I’m unkind…This does not mean that I’m thoughtless…This doesn’t mean that I’m inconsiderate of other people’s feelings…I acknowledge and recognize the fact I am not responsible for their feelings…I am not responsible for their emotional response…Ultimately the truth will come out…It’s better when I communicate clearly…So that everybody understands where I’m coming from…I give myself permission to have my yes mean yes…I give myself permission to have my no mean no.

I want peace in the world…I want peace in my world…I want to recognize the connection I have with others…I want to be open to others connecting with me…I want to be an instrument of peace…And often when I am an instrument of peace it’s not through giant grand gestures…It’s not via over-the-top actions…It is in the peace that I create in my own life…It is in the peace that I create in my own family…Is the peace that I create with everyone I interact with every day…It is not always easy to show up in a way that promotes peace…It is not always easy to be charitable…It is not always easy to be open and giving…Is not always easy to practice peace…I give myself permission today to know that my simple loving acts are useful…My graceful acts make a difference…My gentle acts make a difference and are significant…They are meaningful actions…They do create peace…I want to be a peacemaker…I want to be an agent of peace…In big and in small ways…My simple actions and my small actions and my kind actions create ripples that have a larger impact…Help me to know peace…Help me to strive for peace…Help me to be peace in the world.

I recognize that making choices is hard…That most of the choices I’m making are not clear-cut…There is no obvious answer…There’s no obvious way forward…And because of this, I am of two minds…I can see the pros and cons to both sides…I can see the emotional benefit in the emotional struggle of both sides…Because of that it’s hard for me to make a choice…I don’t want to waste time…I don’t want to waste the energy…I don’t want to squander the possibilities…That is the reason why I’m stuck…I’m keeping myself safe by not making a choice…My system believes that if I don’t move forward, then I won’t waste time going the wrong way…I won’t waste energy making the wrong choice…The reality is that when I don’t make a choice, time is passing…When I don’t take action, opportunities are being squandered…Even though my system is trying to keep me safe by not making the wrong choice…It is trying to keep me safe by preventing me from moving forward in the wrong direction…It is OK for me to make a choice…It’s OK for that choice not to be perfect…It is OK that I don’t have all of the information when I’m making a choice…I give myself permission to know that I can make choices even when I have incomplete information…I give myself permission to make choices even when I am not certain about which choice to make…I make choices all the time with incomplete information…And that is OK…I give myself permission to make choices that are imperfect…Knowing that I can learn from those choices…Knowing that I can grow from those choices…It’s not about being perfect in every choice…It’s not about being perfect in every moment…I give myself permission to be easy with myself when I choose…Knowing it is about the sum total of all of my choices that contribute and create my happiness…I give myself permission to know that I can be imperfect and still create a great life…To be happy and healthy and to move forward in a way that I know I can be satisfied with…It is natural to be of two minds…I give myself permission to be easy with being of two minds…And to move forward in the way that makes the most sense for me…Even when each choice is not obvious…I can make choices that create a life that I want…Even in the imperfection of those choices. 

I love my family… I appreciate the members of my family…I only want what is best for them…I want them to be happy…I want them to thrive…Because they are my family…Just because someone is my family does not mean we have the same worldview…Doesn’t mean we believe the same things…It doesn’t mean we see situations in the same way…It doesn’t mean we understand our relationship in the same way…Because this is the case, it can cause tension in my family…It can cause friction in my relationships…There are even times in which my family members make choices that are destructive…Their choices can be destructive to our relationship…And they can be destructive to me…It is hard to be in a situation where I want what is best for my family and I don’t want to interact with some of my family members…Having direct contact with them makes my life harder…Sometimes having direct contact with them causes pain…There’s a part of me that feels like I’m failing if I try to push my family away…There’s a part of me that feels like I am a bad person for not wanting to spend time with my family…Just because they are my family it doesn’t mean that it is good for me to spend time with them…It doesn’t mean that it is good for me to engage with them…Wanting space is not bad…Wanting space is not a failing…Wanting space does not mean that I am a bad family member…It simply means I need to do what is right for me…It only means that I should be taking care of myself…In big and in small ways…I can want what is best for my family and at the same time want them to be a thousand miles away from me…I’m not a bad person for doing that…I’m not failing for feeling that…I can love someone and not want them to be around me…I can want what’s best for them and not interact with them…I need to take responsibility for myself and my life…I need to take responsibility for myself and my experience…It is OK for me to want to keep my family at a distance…Because if I am not taking responsibility for my well-being, nobody else is going to do that for me…It is OK for me to recognize that fact…I’m allowed to love my family and to love them from a distance.

There’s a part of me that sees my past…That sees my past choices…That sees my past commitments…It recognizes how many of them have gone wrong…It isn’t all of them…Or even most of them…But they are the ones that I remember…I can see the consequences of all these choices…I can see how they impacted me…And how they impacted others…I recognize that these choices are being re-lived right now…Because I’m not allowing myself to let go of them…I am afraid if I did let go of them, I will forget their lessons…I’m afraid that if I let go of them, I will repeat them…I’m afraid that if I let go of them, I won’t take responsibility for the consequences…I’m afraid that if I let go of them, I’m not taking responsibility for how I hurt others…It is possible for me to take responsibility for my choices and at the same time acknowledge that I don’t want to repeat them…I am willing to take responsibility…I’m willing to learn the lessons…Stating that I don’t want to repeat them again…Allowing myself to let go of the emotional pain…I keep re-living these moments…So I don’t forget…And to punish myself…For the poor choices that I’ve made…Many of the poor choices I only see as poor choices in hindsight with the benefit of new information…New information I could not have known when I made that poor choice…Because if I had known that information, I could have made a better choice than I did…So when I punish myself for those less informed choices…I’m not being gracious…I’m not being charitable…And I’m not being fair with myself…I am deserve to be fair with myself…I was made to be fair with myself…It is OK to hold myself to a high standard…But it is not fair to punish myself for something that I couldn’t have done better…If I had had more information in many of these circumstances, I would have made a radically different choice…I didn’t have that information…I didn’t know then what I know now…Punishing myself for making the best choice I could have made is not helpful…It is not compassionate…It is actually a penalty that hurts others around me because it gives me an unjust burden to carry around…That makes me less than who I am in this moment…For myself…And others…Not releasing this burden is a much greater are I’m penalizing myself for…I don’t deserve it now and those around me don’t deserve the penalty of me not letting this go. When I let it go I’m not saying I forget…When I let it go I’m not saying I shouldn’t take responsibility…I need to let it go…I am worthy of releasing it…Those around me deserve that I let it go…I don’t have to relive the pain…I don’t have to punish myself…To keep the lesson from this moment…To make better choices…For myself…As I continue to move forward…I give myself permission to forgive myself the poor choices that I have made…That I only see is for because of the new information that I have…Punishing myself and penalizing myself for what I didn’t and couldn’t have known would be poor choices is not helpful…For me, for others, for any part of the universe…Penalizing myself for that is penalizing myself and others…It’s punishing myself and others…In an unjust way…I give myself permission to forgive myself…I forgive myself…For doing the best that I could…Without all the information I needed…I give myself permission to forgive myself for unjustly punishing myself for these misinformed choices…They were nothing more than misinformed choices and I allow myself to move past them without guilt or shame.