I recognize that I’m feeling numb right now…I know there is something going on in my experience that I need to feel…And I know it would be healthy for me to feel my emotions…But there’s a part of me that is afraid that if I feel my emotions, it will be too much…It is afraid that engaging with my feels will be too painful…It’s afraid that I will be overwhelmed by the emotions…If I feel these emotions, it’s worried that I will be so consumed by them that it will wreck the moment…It is worried that the emotions will take over my day…Like breaking the dam of overpowering emotions…And once that dam is broken…All of the emotions will come rushing in and consume every part of my day…I appreciate that this part is trying to keep me safe…Because I don’t want to be overwhelmed by emotions…I don’t want to be consumed by my emotions…But it is possible for me to feel some of my emotions right now…Not to feel all of them…Not to be overwhelmed by them…But to be in touch with a small bit of them…By being in touch with a small amount…I’ll be able to clear that small amount…Creating space to feel a little more…So that I can begin to create space for me to heal and transform…Without being overrun by it all…I give myself permission to know it is safe for me to feel emotions…I give myself permission to do that right now…So I can be more present in this moment…Allowing healing and transformation.
I recognize that I don’t have a lot of energy right now…I don’t have a lot of motivation…Or inspiration…And when I feel ambivalent like this it’s so hard to take action…Because there is no motivating factor to drive me on…I’m having to act on willpower and willpower alone…And sometimes that’s OK…But it’s no way to live…It’s not sustainable…It might work for a few minutes…But it not enough for the long term…It is possible that there is a part of me is afraid to have motivation…Because if I have motivation, I’m able to try…If I try, I might fail…And failure will be painful…I recognize that lacking motivation is a great way of avoiding failure…Because when I’m not motivated I’m not taking action…When I’m not taking action I can stay safe…I give myself permission to know it is OK to feel motivation…That it is safe to take action…And I give myself permission to pretend that I know what I want to do…I give myself permission to put on the costume of a motivated person…I know what it’s like to feel inspiration…If I pretend that I have inspiration then I will be able to connect with my inspiration…If I pretend to have energy, then I will be able to connect to that energy…In big and small ways it is appropriate for me to feel…In big and small ways it’s appropriate for me to feel motivated…In big and small ways it is safe for me to feel…Every moment that it is safe while I am feeling makes it easier for me to feel in the next moment…I am safe and I give myself permission to feel.