There is a part of me that is really disappointed in myself…That I looked at another human being and I judge them…Every fiber of my being judged them…I judged their life…I judged their choices…I change them for not trying hard enough…I judge them for giving up…That’s not who I want to be…I don’t want to be a judgmental person…I truly want to see the best in others…Not as some platitude…Not because it’s the right thing to do…I just want to look at others and recognize that they are amazing…And there’s a part of me that intellectually sees that…There is a part of me that really wants to believe that…There’s a part of me that is just scared…Scared inside of my own skin…Scared in the world…That part lashes out in judgment…it lashes out in judgment because it makes me feel better…Better about my choices…Better about who I am…If I can see people who are making bad choices and know that I’m not bad like them then I must be good…Intellectually I know that’s wrong emotionally that brings a lot of Shame…There’s a part of me that knows that I should forgive myself…and there’s a part of me that wants to stay stuck in the shame…Shame is no fun…Is a part of me that thinks I need to be punished because I thought such horrible thoughts…That I should suffer now…I shouldn’t suffer …I recognize that if I offer myself any forgiveness I feel like I’m letting myself off the hook…Did I did someone wrong…Even though I didn’t say anything even though they didn’t know what I thought…Even though they didn’t know what I felt…Call for myself forgiveness feels like I’m just letting it go…If I entertain the sense of forgiving myself…I’m not saying it was a good choice…If I entertain the thought of forgiving myself I’m not saying I should do it again…If I entertain forgiving myself…I’m not saying I should take responsibility…I give myself permission to entertain forgiving myself…Even though there’s a part of me that is a long way from forgiving myself…I’m really sorry…in any way that I damaged or hurt others…Just being near them thinking those thoughts…It’s so unfair…And is so hurtful…And they didn’t deserve that…To be honest I’ve no idea how they ended up how they are…I’m sure they don’t want to be in the bodies in that state they like me have a part of them that wants health and well-being…And is worthy of health and well-being…And I hope it is not more than just the physical burden that they carry…They deserve better…They were made for so much better…I’m sorry for contributing to whatever they’re experiencing…I’m sorry for judging…I’m sorry for recoiling…I’m sorry for not seeing them is amazing…I’m sorry…I hope they experience no more pain…from my thoughts…From my emotions…For my negativity…They’re worthy of more…And they’re worthy of better from me.